A fat, clumsy, and bankrupt English lord loses his estate in 1692, and inadvertently becomes a monster who must feed on blood to survive. Nothing goes right for Alpheus and he is entombed until the year 1996.
Immortal, but stuck in his awkward frame, he is terrible at hunting for blood and victims. Discovering a way to make things easier, he makes quick work of the local petty crooks, thugs, and gangsters in the crime ridden city of Stratimore.
Without his knowledge, opposing vampire fan clubs develop around the city, which eventually elevate him to the status of a pop icon. When he finally gets the opportunity to end his curse, will he take it?