Blood Sweat and Beers

Thirsty? 

1. Sensationalize the rim of a pint glass with high-brow hack writing. To do so, pour Tug Job Grandma's Cold Chunky Soup onto a small plate, moisten the rim of the glass with bitterness and disdain and press into the microwaved story. 

2. Pour blood, sweat, and beer into a top-loading washer and fill with ice. Shake briefly and strain through a pair of clean panties into the sensationalized pint glass filled with fresh ice. Garnish with imitation-crab poetry, a stalk of juvenile debauchery, a skewer of minced dead prostitute and exclamation marks stuck onto a toothpick. 

3. Drink. 

4. Don't think.

5. Repeat.