Alice's Blighted Profession, A Sketch for Girls

—A modern business office. Center door, desk in center covered with paper and letters; four office chairs, telephone, rug, etc., as may be available.
DISCOVERED: Alice seated at desk.

ENTER, c.d., Diana.

Diana. Well, Alice Berning, what do you mean by being indoors on such a beautiful day? Come, put on your wraps, my machine is——

Alice. Diana, you are a regular steam engine. No, I cannot accept your kind invitation to go for a spin.

Diana. Do you know what brought me here to-day? It was to ask you to accompany us on our tour through the north next week. (Sits on arm of Alice's chair) There's a dear. Say you will come. Why, you cannot imagine how disappointed Jack and I will be, not mentioning all our other guests, if you refuse.

Alice. Really, Diana, I am very sorry to have to refuse. But I simply cannot go. Why, look at all this correspondence and no one but myself to answer it.

Diana. Why don't you get a stenographer? Why not advertise?

Alice. Oh, I've done that—I advertised for a stenographer, and, would you believe it, when I came down this morning there were at least twenty-five applicants outside my door clamoring to get in.

Diana. And how did you get rid of them?

Alice. I interviewed each one separately, but found not one qualified to do my work. I verily believe if I encounter another applicant like any of my last ones I shall close up shop and bury myself in the woods. (Woe-begone look)