No Direction Home

I’m 32 and just broke the Guinness World Record for Longest Journey By Car In A Single Country. When I was 31 I published a book. When I was 30 I produced a late-night vaudeville festival. When I was 29 I started a PR Firm. When I was 28 I produced a movie. When I was 27 I moved to LA. When I was 26 I started a rolling paper company. When I was 25 I promoted concerts in NYC. When I was 24 I started a music agency. When I was 23 I produced theatre. When I was 22 I was an actor. When I was 21 I made pizzas. When I was 20 I moved to Boulder. When I was 19 I worked at a tea house. When I was 18 I studied Kung Fu. When I was 17 I got my GED. When I was 16 I hitchhiked all over the country. When I was 15 I ran away from boot camp. When I was 14 I went to rehab in Opelousas. When I was 13 I was the most popular kid in school. When I was 12 I was the biggest loser in school. When I was 11 I hung out in the projects. When I was 10 I loved skateboarding. When I was 9 I became addicted to club soda. When I was 8 my family moved from a condo to a house. When I was 7 I told my first grade teacher I spoke Spanish. But i didn’t. I was speaking gibberish. When I was 6 I got the chicken pox. When I was 5 I made friends with a Persian kid and pretended to speak Farsi with him. When I was 4 I rode a unicycle. When I was 3 I passed my series 7. When I was 2 I hiked the Pacific Crest Trail. When I was 1 I was a world famous hand model. That’s how I got to where I am now.