The Killbug Eulogies

Aw shucks. A giant space bug just ate another of Pvt. Timothy Archon’s lifelong friends.

Deployed on a remote bug planet, his unit has orders to clear out deadly mantis hives. Twice a day, the men crawl up refuse tunnels to snipe the man-sized insects and reduce their numbers. The work is disgusting and exhausting and the enemy reproduces faster than you can look at them. Plus, maybe a few of Archon's buddies get eaten.

Disemboweled or lobotomized or roasted on exoskeletal skewers: ew, nasty! And always right in Archon’s splatter zone! But that's not the worst part.

Ever since the chaplain’s death, whoever is standing closest when a comrade bites it has to give the eulogy at the funeral. Major’s orders.

Awkward. Public speaking was never really Archon’s thing. Let alone tact. Or empathy. A fiasco seems inevitable.

Besides, let’s be honest: Archon and his lifelong friends were never really . . . well, close.

Growing up together on that brutal mining colony messed with all their heads. Look at the evidence! His buddies include the stim-freak obsessed with his kill count; the perv who seduces the lady insects; the giggling sociopath; the god-awful warrior poet!

At least they're dead now. So there's that.

Still, Archon has to wonder why eulogy duty keeps falling to him. Sure, he has terrible luck. But doesn’t everyone who got sent to this miserable bug planet? Can it really be an accident of fate that people keep dying next to him?

No, the universe is definitely screwing with him.

Follow the path of Timothy Archon's hilarious decent into madness. Cringe at the horrifying insectoid baddies. Meet the cast of likable bastards, then laugh at their grisly deaths, you sick deranged scalawag.

Whatever you do, don't miss out on this irreverent twist on the space marine genre.