The Governor's Aide

This is a short story. Political humor. Do all our politicians talk this way behind closed doors? Let's hope not. There's defintely no phoney PR talk here as the mythical governor of a northern state has a nitty gritty conversation as he shares his crude blunt philosphy and thoughts about people and politics with his aide on a car ride to a PR function.

Excerpt:
“Oh yeah, I forgot. And refresh my memory--what the hell are we going there for?” I mean, what have they to offer us?”..........

.......“And what speech am I giving tonight. Not that damn thing about global warming again!”……..

The governor bristled. “I hope you’ve got that teleprompter thing fixed this time. I almost made a damn fool of myself last week at the Press Club with that damn global warming speech. The damn speech started running backwards halfway through, then restarted and it took me a while to notice it. And that nitwit idiot running the thing—what’s his name?

“Seymour.”

“Right, that Seymour idiot. That idiot fool couldn’t get the damn thing running right and I can’t remember crap from memory. Where did we get that imbecile anyway?”

“Mrs. Harrison’s son.”

“Who!”

“Mrs. Harrison--Chairwoman of the local Women’s Liberation Group. President of the local teacher’s union, Chairwoman of Women Against War……….

.

.........“You mean the Journal of The Free Citizens Republic.”

“Yeah that outfit. Have we succeeded in getting those bastards audited yet?
“No sir. Our contact at IRS wants more charity gift cards.”
“Well damn son, give them to her. What’s her name—Sitch, Fitch, B____H or something like that?”

“You mean Miss Flitchley.”

“Yeah I remember now—Miss Flitchley, the tax b____h.”

“As you say governor.”…………….

“.........The mayor and his AIDES will just have to suck it up for a while. Say, he’s still s_______ng that b______ secretary of his isn’t he?”

“You mean Miss Jameson?”

“Yeah MISS Jameson—Miss strawberries on shortcake--that redheaded skirt flipping b____.”

Beckman cleared his throat. “Well sir, I do believe there is still a COVERT relationship going on in that department.”

“I take it that means he’s still s________ her. I wouldn’t say it’s covert. He’s so open with it, it’s a wonder the papers haven’t printed something about it. He let’s his dog out to piss and everybody knows what tree he peed on. What a ….