Ratchet Santa

The PR statement that was sent out after Santa’s death cited diabetes as cause of death, but the real tea was he had been messing around with them reindeers and got reindeer AIDS. The symptoms mimicked untreated diabetes (loss of eyesight and feet; nerve damage; peeing a lot), so it was easy to pull off. 

Shameik, Santa’s half brother from another mother, was disgusted when he found out how Santa had really died.

“He was f***ing them reindeers??!” he asked with true and utter disgust as Mrs. Claus, with her gigantic titties, broke the sad news to him over breakfast at Burger King. 

He shook his head, “I can’t believe your cheap a$$ brought me to BK to tell me my fat a$$, secretly mulatto brother died from f***ing reindeers in the a$$.”