Time's Arrow

Neferre is a coarse, disgusting, slightly-alcoholic elf, who is discovered while in a drunken stupor by a strange child in the dark depths of a swamp. Neferre offers to escort the child to safety, only to discover the little girl is a legendary dragon slayer torn from the ancient past. Together with her friends, a half-giant and a snarky sorcerer, Neferre must return the girl to her original era before her ancient enemies can end her life. The journey becomes a real race against time when an ancient dragon bent on revenge decides it would be preferable if the child return to her time in little pieces.

Quotes: 

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Neferre stood still for several seconds, looking down at the pouting child. Eventually, she decided she was too tired and drunk to care. 

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Helianthus frowned. "What? Of course I can see her! You drunk again?" The half-giant paused and went on in amazement, "Did you kidnap this girl while you were drunk?"

"I dunno," Neferre said, horrified as the possibility occurred to her. "Shit. Maybe I did!"

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"We will have to find a way to reach the human king," Olorun said adamantly, "without entering his lands and sealing our doom." He wriggled his fingers in a beckoning gesture, and one of his books soared from his pack and into his hand. "Who knows?" he muttered, snapping the book open. He glared at Neferre and dropped his eyes bitterly to the book, touching a long finger to the page. "Maybe we'll actually survive this." 

Neferre rested her elbows on her knees and watched as Olorun flipped through the book. "Any answers in there? Like maybe how to take that stick out your ass?" 

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"Return me safely to my home," the princess said, "and I shall reward you with your weight in eggs."

Olorun snorted derisively. "You're joking, right?"

The woman's eyes flitted in embarrassment. 

"Now wait a minute," said Helianthus. "We're talkin' eggs here. What sort of eggs? Ostrich eggs?"

Neferre made an impatient noise. "Hel! She doesn't have any eggs! Unless they're hidden in a very . . . delicate place." Neferre grinned at the princess. "Tell me your eggs are hidden where I think they're hidden."

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"You're a witch," Neferre stated.

The woman's lips slowly spread to reveal rows of sharp teeth that startled Neferre. "Yeeeees," she sang. "A witch is I. Don't worry. You are quite safe."

Neferre snorted. "Am I? Getting a fly-in-a-web vibe from you."

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"Aha!" laughed the high queen with almost girlish delight. She slammed the flat of her little hand on the nearby table and the dragon statue leapt. "The idealist speaks again! You actually think the humans can live happily ever after with the elvkarin?" She narrowed her bright eyes, looking at Neferre in pity and amazement. "Don't you even yet understand? Don't you know who you are? The dragons were not mindless beasts – they were people, fierce and proud! Good dragons, bad dragons, dragons who were fucking indifferent -- Nineveh exterminated them like so much filth."