Me: Frankie Sidebottom

Frankie Sidebottom was a (fictitious) soccer player until injury brought his career to a shuddering close. After spells as a television pundit and newspaper columnist – and appearing in a television advertisement – he became a publican. That was as successful as the rest of his post-soccer activities.
You might, if you were being kind, call Frankie a man's man. Given his liking for strong drink and weak women you might also call him, as others have done, a 'sexist self-opinionated racist homophobic pisshead dinosaur'; he's not the most likeable of men.
In this study of Frankie's life – remember, it's fiction – you're not supposed to laugh with him. Oh no, not at all – you're supposed to laugh at him and his ridiculous prejudices. It's worth bearing in mind that the part of England from which Frankie comes, allegedly, has produced a lot of people just like him: there are some still walking the streets, honestly.