An Eye For It: Why Suicide Wasn’t the Answer

I hold the gun and lean into the back of the front seat, my face towards the floor. I put the gun in my mouth and then take it out; I do this several times. I sound like an injured animal as I moan and cry. Finally, I leave the gun in my mouth and pull the trigger. Nothing. ＂What the hell?＂ I think as I fumble with the gun some more and then return it to my mouth and fire. Thud, my head hurls backward. I put my left hand up to the left side of my head and it feels sticky. I am hurt but still alive. Judy Loehr set out to kill herself on May 11, 1983. She had a gun, a box of shells, some Mother’s Day gifts from her children, a copy of the Bible, and a tape of Merle Haggard. Life as she knew it was no more. Her marriage was over and her children were with their father; everyone would be better off if she were dead. On a secluded riverbank far from town, Judy crawled into the back seat, put the gun in her mouth, and pulled the trigger. The gun went off. Several hours later, she woke to a voice telling her to get help.In this startling memoir, Judy Loehr tells how she failed at life, failed at suicide, and had no choice but to change her life.