Have a Nice Guy

You don’t want a bad boy, my dear; at least not in the real world. You can fantasize all you like about a scruffy, Harley-driving, tattooed beast who does things you thought you’d never allow. But, you don’t want to meet him, because eventually he’s going to shit all over you, emotionally.You need a nice guy.Forget that nonsense about how anything worthwhile is worth working hard for. If you wanted to buy a horse you could ride around the neighborhood, you would never opt for a wild bronco that would scream, thrash, and resist every attempt you made to civilize him. You’d go for the broken stud, and avoid a broken neck.That’s why I suggest you recalibrate your penis-homing device. If you’re in a bar, and you spot a tanned God in a vintage T-shirt and sandals who winks and slaps your ass as he walks by, run away. Run toward that kind fellow over there-the one who has been down the aisle a few times, and learned how to behave.Have a nice guy!

Torcivia is a divorced man who transplanted himself from Pennsylvania into the treacherous dating pool in Southern California. His feline companions, Syd and Symon, share his home in San Diego and an occasional dish of leftover tuna. Torcivia loves nothing better than bellying up to the bar with his favorite social lubrication (wine) and watching the bizarre mating rituals of the locals, which he translates into humorous essays. He has been single long enough to be involved in a few train wrecks of his own, admitting that he’s ＂one relationship disaster away from a third cat.＂