Going Dutch

Barnabus Prim has reached the end of his rope. Drowning in debt and married to an obnoxious wife who can't stand the sight of him, he decides to do the unthinkable. But finding a way to the afterlife proves much more difficult than he imagined.

For mature audiences. Approximately 2,800 words.

EXCERPT FROM GOING DUTCH

It was a dark, dreary night. So dark, in fact, that Barnabas Prim couldn’t see his dick once he yanked it out and peed on his wife’s brand new Lexus. She’d washed it just the day before, the third time this week. Could this already be the Lexus’ fourth golden shower? It deserved many more—until its sleek, dark exterior turned a radioactive shade of yellow. “Take that, you mean, old bitch!” He hosed it down good.

The capricious, old fool hated the Lexus just as much as his wife Priscilla, and swore that she preferred the car’s stick shift to his. Sure, his was wrinkly and tired and about to fall off, but she was supposed to help him with such things. Gone were all those hot, steamy nights, when she gave Willy some much-needed mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. That was twenty years ago. Now she wouldn’t touch it even if it were made of solid fucking gold.

“She should have married the fucking car instead.” He zipped his pants and walked up the driveway. The house lights were off and no doubt she was already fast asleep. That parasite! “I hope you rot in hell!” He shook his fist.