Saying the Wrong Thing: How to Speak Up in Difficult, Controversial, or Emotionally Charged Conversations

When it comes to hot-button topics, many of us worry about saying the wrong thing. As a result, we might say nothing--letting a sexist comment from a coworker slide or ignoring a racist remark a family member makes at a holiday dinner. Or we might worry that something we did say sounded stupid or uninformed. How many times have you left an interaction thinking, Why did I say that? So stupid! or Wow, I can’t believe I didn’t say anything at all?

Whether about politics, religion, parenting, social progress, mental health, or grief, most of us have been in situations where we worried about saying something offensive, hurtful, or cringeworthy. If this sounds familiar, this book is for you.

In Saying the Wrong Thing, you’ll learn a variety of skills to effectively engage in conversations that are important to you, even when they’re hard. Based on a revolutionary treatment approach known as acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), this book provides a road map for working through your own discomfort and navigating difficult conversations before, after, and even as they occur.

Filled with experiential exercises, real-life examples, and actionable practice tips, this book will give you the courage to use your voice when it matters. After all, speaking out for what you believe in is worth it--even when the fear of saying the wrong thing threatens to stand in your way.

Danielle Moyer, PhD (she/her) is an assistant professor in the Department of Pediatrics at Oregon Health & Science University within the divisions of psychology and endocrinology. Her work involves clinical service, individual and systemic advocacy, training and education, consultation to medical and mental health providers, and clinical research. Monica Gerber, PhD (she/her) is a licensed clinical psychologist at the Asian Pacific Clinic of Aurora Mental Health and Recovery in Colorado. She specializes in providing culturally and trauma-informed care to individuals and families with refugee and immigrant experiences. Molly Tucker, PhD (she/her) is a clinical psychologist residing in Tucson, Arizona, and licensed in the state of California, where she sees clients virtually. She works in private practice and specializes in serving adult individuals who are seeking clarity about their purpose, innate creativity, life balance, and boundaries.