Jasper’s Foul Tongue: The Avenging Arm of Sarcasm

Imagine if Huck Finn was a girl with an obnoxious talking sword.

The Civil War’s ragin’, every nation’s been magicked into a different historical time, and my dumb sword won’t stop tellin’ bad jokes.

You know how you sometimes get a song stuck in yer head and it’s really, really annoyin’ but you can’t make it stop? Welcome to my world, y’all. I have the enchanted spirit of a smart-alecky boy yappin’ in my red-haired noggin all day, trapped in this shape-shiftin’ sword called Morphageus.

That name’s ridiculous six ways from Sunday, so I just call him Jasper. Anyways, me and Jasper are on the run from eleventy-dozen bad guys sent by a bunch of black sorcerers called the Honourable Merchantry. They want me and Jasper so they can make the world an even more awful place than it already is. That fuels their evil magick somehow.

I reckon they ought not be allowed to do that.

So far we’ve survived all manner of demons, Confederate zombies, lady assassins, cursed magick-slingin’ kids, giant ravens, and whatnot. Even Napoleon’s Old Guard. Now we’re on a pirate ship (no foolin’) headed for Europa, to the Scepter’d Isle, so we can rescue my only friend Tommy from a Merchantry dungeon.

But my biggest problem is Jasper, who won’t do magick fer me without I do him icky favors like drinkin’ whiskey and smokin’ stogies. Boys! Yuck!

Filled with allusions to classic literature and real historical events, the Legacy Stone series pokes fun at the whole young adult ’you’re the chosen one and here’s your quest’ genre.