The Secret Diary of Eric Cowell - Aged 6 1/2 months

The innermost thoughts of Simon Cowell's son :'I woke up to find that everyone was all a twitter. By which I mean that Dad's twits and almost the whole world were going crazy with the news that I had been born. Quite right. I'm sure that when everyone is born they think they are the centre of the universe, and with me it turns out to be true. I guess at some point I'll find out why.''Today I met Jeeves. Well, Daddy called him Piers, but I call him Jeeves. He said things like 'And how would Sir like his nappy done up today? Traditional classic fit or a little more snug around the middle for Sir perhaps?' I resolved to ask him for a Scotch on the rocks, just as soon as I could work up the vocabulary.''Apparently I was born on something called Valentine's Day. So, when Harry Bighair came to visit he asked Daddy if they were going to call me Valentino. Daddy answered, 'I'm not going to dignify that with a reply.' Sometimes I wish Daddy would speak his mind more and not just sit on the fence all the time.'