Own Your Throne: How to Make Your Time in the Loo Work for You

The average person spends about 50 billion hours on the toilet in their lifetime. Why not make the most of it?

We’ve all been there and will be back again. This very funny and actually useful guide will help you make your time in the loo more comfortable, entertaining, and even fun. Out-and-about advice includes finding and navigating public restrooms, strategies for pit stops at school, in the office, or at other people’s houses, as well as special circumstances (in a porta-potty, in the woods, in outer space). Tips for optimizing your throne room at home feature playlists, dream décor, scent-sory suggestions, get-things-moving exercises, and toilet tech explorations (flush into the future). Also featuring a Things to Do While You Poo activities section, sidebar trivia from Plungie the Plunger, and reader missions to accomplish from Agent 002, this is the must-have companion for anyone’s time behind closed doors.

FUN & USEFUL BATHROOM BOOK: A much better alternative to a toss-away magazine or the sports page, this book offers actionable advice and interesting information in an engaging, funny, and accessible way.

STRESS REDUCTION STRATEGIES: When the need for toilet time happens away from home, it can be stressful, including being out and about (looking for any port in the potential storm), at other people’s houses, or in a workspace context. At home, we have varying levels of control, depending on our living situation. The guidance in these pages can help set you up for success, no matter where or when you need to make a public or private place a room of one’s own.

EVERYBODY POOPS: Why should kids get all the fun? Push aside those playful potty-training books and perch this volume throne-side for inspiration and distraction when you need it most. It holds appeal for men and women across a range of ages.

NOVELTY GIFT: We all know someone for whom toilet time is a subject of great interest. Pair this handy volume of bathroom reading material with a bottle of room freshener, fancy hand soap, or a package of luxe ＂facial tissue＂ to create a memorable and practical gift.

Perfect for:

• Practical and supportive guide for anyone with toilet anxiety
• Stocking stuffer or birthday gift for men and women
• New home or apartment housewarming gift
• Going-away gift for travelers or students moving into a dorm
• Fans of What’s Your Poo Telling You? and other funny bathroom books

Bradford Ware lives in Oakland, California, and has a tiny head with a big body. In his spare time, outside the bathroom, he loves sitting in saunas, admiring bonsai trees, and producing eccentric animations under the alias Elderly Boy Studios. This is his first book.