ian thomas healy

Times are tough in the economic downturn of the late 2040s. Angel, an ex-prostitute-turned-assassin, has just killed her ex-boyfriend without making a dime on it. Camaro, a courier, is wanted by the Feds for smuggling coffee and evading pursuit. And Haiwee, once the greatest hacker on the planet, has ruined her body with the drugs used to enhance her reflexes and is destitute with no reputation left to cash in upon. So when a billionaire offers them a big paycheck to retrieve one of three collectible bottles and destroy the other two, the three young mercenaries don’t ask questions. In pursuit of their contract they travel to central Australia to face a local crime lord, to Brazil where they must deal with a pedophile Bishop of the United Catholic Church, to the flooded waterways of London, and even to the King’s palace of Borlovia, all in pursuit of the elusive TIS bottles. Aided by Mikio, a cybernetic ninja, and Tatiana, an artificial intelligence, the heroes risk life and limb for one big fat payday. If they fail, the billionaire will hold them accountable for all their expenses, essentially enslaving them.

Troubleshooters: The Longest Joke Ever Told is a big-budget action movie of a novel, filled with gunfights, explosions, chases, and memorable one-liners. Think Bruce Willis meets Mel Gibson with a dash of Chow Yun Fat and directed by James Cameron, leading toward a last-page punchline like a kick in the head. Buckle your safety harness for this nonstop, in-your-face ride.