nine-year cycle: a memoir

Growing up in a small town in the 60s, I want to be a performer - I do not know that I am gay. I am cast in brilliant productions and meet my first true love. A life together blossoms, filled with incredible acting roles for us both.

Then the bombshell is dropped-he is diagnosed with HIV. I nurse him for months, unable to work and no financial aid, until his death in 1992. A nine-year relationship. When my soulmate dies, I am at a complete loss. Only friends and theatre bring me back to life.

Years later I move to Brighton and meet an aspiring designer from Algeria on a gay dating app. So begins our love story. We overcome immigration obstacles thanks to Lord Cashman and build a life as Civil Partners. Out of the blue he returns to his Islamic faith and cannot continue with his lifestyle. I spiral into depression. Friends and theatre pull me from the depths of despair. I return to Chichester Theatre thanks to Stephen Mear where I was working when we first met nine years before.