paula marais

An award-winning dark psychological novel of mental illness and murder.

Suburban family life can be mundane, but it can also push you over the edge. When Thea Middleton finds herself behind bars for an unthinkable crime, she realises she’s become the most hated member of any society: a failed mother.

As she, her husband Clay and oldest daughter Sanusha try to repair their shattered lives, their individual accounts form the pieces of a tragic puzzle that will haunt them forever.
•Shadow Self is a good book. Somehow, I feel like saying that is an understatement. But what else can one say about a book one really loves? ~ The Critical Literature Review
•Every intricate detail penned by Marais takes the reader emotionally and painfully through Thea's journey ~ Herald Live
•“Written with compelling power and jagged intensity.” ~ Tony Morphet

“IN JAIL I HAVE A LOT OF TIME to think to think, and I don’t always have control over where my mind wanders. A lot of the time, and despite myself, I think about Clay: how much I loved him, the mistakes I made. So many mistakes! My daughters. My little boy, Joe. But my thoughts aren’t always completely clear. I think through gauze, through filters. Being locked away minute after minute, second after second (for that’s how slowly time passes) has made me realise that I’ve spent my whole life in a fog. Some days it’s like parting a thick black curtain in front of me, and just when I manage to open it and see a little light, the curtain falls closed again and I’m left in the dark. Most people want to know where this all started, and I sometimes wonder that too.”