the johnny moped files: the curious reappearance of sir isaac newton

Johnny Moped refuses a mysterious client who wants him to find the missing and deceased Sir Isaac Newton. Sir Isaac has been kidnapped by Cyborgs who are intent on letting a ELE meteor hit the Earth.

He is then mysteriously paid by an unknown hirer 5,000 a week for an unknown task. Johnny is pursued by Cyborgs and escapes on a flight to Greece.

At Olympus, the restaurant at the top of the mountain, (they’ve had to diversify much to Hercules anger), there is a portal to Betamax 200 years in the future. Betamax is ruled by Cyborgs, who have now discovered how to travel back to the past.

Johnny and Hercules find Sir Isaac and Hercules fights their female goddess. Johnny tries unsuccessfully to convince an unwilling, imprisoned Sir Isaac to save mankind from a premature end.

After much soul searching, Johnny and Sir Isaac eventually make their escape. They plant a radioactive meteorite on the meteor and after inventing the crab flap, Sir Isaac retires to the 18th century leaving Johnny, now Hieronymus Calmly, as the new Professor of Complexity.

Hercules loses his club whilst battling the cyborg goddess and becomes a professional wrestler with Deianira as his manager.

Deianira returns with the pan-dimensional beings, the Horseshoe Crabs, who want nothing more than a pampered retirement on Earth. The meteor has destroyed the gateways. Only the newly invented crab flap remains as passage between dimensions.

Johnny/ Hieronymus accepts the Professorship and watches over his doppelganger, Johnny Moped, who now has enough money to rebuild the front of his house destroyed by the Cyborgs.

Johnny/Hieronymus occasionally gives himself advice through the local small ads and regrets taking Medusa as his room mate.

The identity of the unknown hirer, the Bank of Ouroboros, remains a mystery.

Read on in Book Two: The Impossible Bream.