untangling your marriage: a guide to collaborative divorce

Divorce is hard, but it doesn’t have to be so painful. Collaborative Divorce offers a different, more peaceful path to ending a marriage; this book shows you how to do it.

Divorce is like a death in the family, except no one is bringing you food.

This book is a myth buster, and an antidote to the negative messaging about divorce. It offers hope and encouragement for the reader to choose a divorce process that aligns with their own core values. Values such as dignity, mutual respect, integrity, and compassion. It offers the reader an introduction to Collaborative Divorce, both the mindset and the process, as it has been established and practiced for the past thirty years. Collaborative divorce is an interdisciplinary, non-adversarial divorce model. It is like mediation on steroids.

Divorce is a complex process. It involves legal, psychological, and financial considerations. Collaborative divorce uses an interdisciplinary approach, and it is not dominated by the lawyers and is more cost efficient. A skillful mental health coach addresses emotional issues such as anger, sadness, rage, betrayal, guilt, shame, excitement, relief, and acceptance for everyone in the family. The financial neutral will collect, organize, analyze, and present the financial resources of the couple in a way to ensure an equal understanding of what can often feel like overwhelming amount of data. The lawyers provide legal advice.

The core focus of the book is to reframe divorce from a shame and blame game to a paradigm where divorce is viewed through the lens of grief. It offers each reader an opportunity to show up for their divorce and present their best selves, even if they don’t feel like it. It emphasizes honor and respect for everyone involved.

This book is an open and honest portrayal of divorce from the perspective of a veteran divorce attorney, who has also been divorced. We live in a time of volatility, uncertainty, complexity, and ambiguity. A divorce is just like that, and the antidote to those conditions include concepts like collaboration, deep listening, innovation, flexibility, and an ability to pivot.

Collaborative divorce is the best kept secret of family lawyers. It is an opportunity to emerge from a divorce, healthy and wholehearted, not bitter, and resentful. Learn how to do it here.

Nanci A. Smith, Esq., is an attorney licensed to practice in Vermont and New York. She is the Chair of the Collaborative Divorce section of the Vermont Bar Association. She is a leader in her collaborative divorce practice group, and a member of the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals. She frequently writes and talks about divorce, family law, ethics, and Collaborative Divorce practices. She believes a good divorce is possible when you show up for it with humility, compassion, and the correct support.