Daniel Kroker

An irreverent romantic comedy of biblical proportions!

'I was wondering if you'd like me to suck your—'

The deck of cards I was carefully thumbing through flipped out of my hands across the table and into my lap, the half played game of solitaire crumbling under the onslaught of red and black on white. I looked at the chaos spread on the flat surface of my girlfriend's dining room table—a million thoughts crashing into each other in a haphazard parody of those same playing cards.

My name is Daniel Kroker. I've just turned fifteen, and while my girlfriend and I have been dating a month, I have no plan for this scenario...

I struggled to think of something to say, a meaningful response to what ultimately should be every teenage boy's dream come true. But I'm stuck, nothing comes out my mouth—my dick is slowly getting hard under the table, hogging all the resources required for rational thought. I will my penis to relinquish the blood it has requisitioned from my brain.

See, I'm a Christian, in a family of seriously devout Christians and every action that may end in any form of fun is largely put on hold until I can ask myself 'WWJD' (What Would Jesus Do?). WWJD has neither helped with my popularity, my will to live, or my ongoing attempts at initiating a sex-life, but has successfully been ingrained into every decision I make—including this one.

*****

Talon likes a girl but can’t talk to her. Enter his father, Daniel, who recreates the story of a shallow, fast talking youth in the nineties that fell for the forbidden girl he couldn't be with, but must pursue.

Follow Daniel's struggle to overcome bullies, boyfriends, angry exes, social obscurity, a complete lack of understanding of love and the opposite sex, as well as the growing divide between himself, home and a cockblocking Christian conscience.

Cockblocked by Jesus is an adult take on traditional teen romantic comedy that will make you laugh, and cry, as you root for the unlikely underdog.

Recommended for adults, it is a story that is relatable by anyone who struggled with overbearing parents, religion or unpopularity, while giving an uncomfortably honest insight into the mechanics of the teen male mind.