Ian Cattell

Randall didn't know he had a destiny until it interrupted his lunch one day; and it was bigger than he could ossibly have imagined (his destiny, not his lunch).

That's when he met the mysterious Marcus Han - brainier than a clumsy butcher's floor, and secretly the richest man in the world, he would be Randall's companion and mentor through the challenges they must face in their struggle to stop the entire Galaxy from vanishing.

With supporting cast of talking trees, mutant psychics, bungling cops, extremely refined resistance operatives, military trained birds, enlightened muschrooms, hallucinating AI units, cutlery collecting crabs, and his definitely EX-girlfriend to help him, he must travel back in time to the twenty-first century and begin again in a new, less tyrannical timeline.

If his departed day, the World Police the Planimals, or the ancient aliens doesn't stop him first that is...