Mandi Els

Something was wrong… Horribly wrong… As I fell to my knees, I was alarmed by the screaming of panic-stricken children. It was chaos. The chain of events spiralled into disaster and I stood motionless, a mute witness, an innocent child, bravely trying to face the terror of it all, feeling the darkness embrace me like a heavy cloak.

A birthday party became littered with the debris of abuse and violence. The volcano of my parent’s drunkenness erupted once again, causing unspeakable pain and shame.

My mother’s failed attempt to kill my father fanned the flames of his rage and he fought back viciously. A shattered wine glass became a lethal weapon against her fragile frame. Repulsed by the bloodstains splattered everywhere, I sank into a helpless pile of heaving sobs.

Events like these occurred often and it spread like a virus into my soul, and ripped me open from the inside. An avalanche of questions surrounded me all of them painful, many of them unanswered. Everything always merged into this single thought:

GOD… Is He real? Does He care?