Robert Kemppainen

Killing the Goose That Laid the Golden Eggs is simply my reaction to the numerous Killing books that have been written by Mr. Bill O'Reilly and Mr. Martin Dugard. It is a light-hearted look at one possible way this story might have come about, written in a feeble imitation of the style of those books. Mr. O'Reilly and Mr. Dugard took their task of writing very seriously, spending countless hours studying, composing, revising and reviewing and they took their job quite seriously. I, on the other hand, am a little lazy and quite shameless. This book is anything but serious and way, way shorter than their books. But I had fun writing it and I hope you will have fun reading it too.
-James "Pillow" Wryly
Excerpt
Samantha Goose ducked her head into the murky water. Though geese mostly eat green vegetation and grain, they also, on occasion, will eat insect and small fish. And the minnows lurking in the shallow water of the pond looked particularly succulent. She grabbed the nearest, fattest chub, and in one quick motion, pulled her head from the water, tossed it back and let her catch slide smoothly down her throat. The water from her head and neck sloshed freely down on her folded wings where it rolled off like, well, like water off a goose’s back. With a self-satisfied waggle of her tail feathers, she paddled on, seeking more tasty tidbits beneath the shining surface,
Little did she know that she had just three days to live.