indranil das

I was a girl of just thirteen. The day I was crossing the path, he came running with a rose for me. The dewy red rose was a symbol of his soft heart. He was Jonathon whom I did not know well but knew him as a rough and tough bad boy by face. But at the moment he offered me rose, he did not seem that much bad, what I thought. He went on the other side, asking me for the reply. He was my first love.
That nigh I could not sleep, rather I glided on the wings of fantasy. That event and words came again and again and kept on knocking me until I fall in love. But next morning I met him in school back-yard and said ‘No’. I was expecting a fierce emotional reaction but it was nothing like that. He took my answer easily and stepped back to the ground with a gloomy face. I came back home with a strange feeling-you know, a sort of pain in my heart.
Frankly saying, for some days I enjoyed the status of being loved and rumored but
Soon, I lost that stardom.

Some days later, when I was having my lunch in school canteen, I saw Jonathon with another girl. He was talking and she was laughing. They seemed very happy but you know I felt very bad, very bad indeed. But why? Why should I feel bad at other’s happiness? I had no answer but really I did not like that.
Probably it was the feeling what people call jealousy, and I felt it for love, for the first time. You know, jealousy is that feeling which goes on singeing you until you commit a blunder. The little glance of their smile tore my heart. The whole day I could not listen anything except that charcoal smile. Truly saying, I was out of my mind. My heart was searching a satisfying answer but the very question was missing.
Then bell rang. Everybody get busy except me. I stood on the corridor searching one face but I failed.
I went home and slept with out food; I sighed in pillow. I did not know what was wrong with me, but warm tears came out, it burnt my soft heart. My guilty conscience invited all the worse thought that turned me wild.
I axed my own leg. I can’t understand why boys are so fool!