親愛的，我把英文變有趣了：英文笑話選集

　　．12年國教英語課外補充教材

　　這是英文笑話選集。作者是明星高中退休的英文老師，曾任教師大附中，他所蒐集和挑選的英文笑話，乃針對國中、高中職學生程度的字彙和文法，內容可分為童言童語篇、親子篇、師生篇、夫妻篇、醫病篇、顧客篇等，是很好的英語課外補充教材。不但適合家長買給學生看，也很合適已經踏出校門多年的父母親，跟著孩子一起學英文。

　　英文比你想的要好玩，比你想的更好笑！
　　每天一則笑話，
　　笑一笑，學習英文也會變有趣。

　　題目很簡單，答案卻很難
　　Dad: “How were the exam questions?”
　　Eva: “Easy. But the answers were tough.”

　　Joe: I lost my dog.
　　May: Why don’t you put an ad in the newspaper?
　　Joe: It’s ridiculous. He can’t read.

　　Ballet student: Why do all the students here dance on their tiptoes?
　　Teacher: That’s how we dance here.
　　Ballet student: Why don’t you get taller students?

　　Alfred: Why do witches ride brooms?
　　Angela: Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy to fly.

　　Mrs. Lee: How many years have you been married?
　　Mrs. Lin: More than ten years.
　　Mrs. Lee: You must have many things in common, then.
　　Mrs. Lin: Only one. That is, we got married on the same day.

作者簡介 

揚歌（Younger）

　　本名楊國明，1956年生，國立臺灣師範大學英語系畢業，曾任教國、高中近三十載，2006年自國立台灣師大附中退休，之後考上國立台北教育大學文教法律研究所，於2012年6月順利畢業。

　　作者手持教鞭之餘，一直勤於翻譯、編著和創作各類書籍，已出版作品共五十餘冊，包括《讀英文  看人生》、《一生能有幾次選擇》、《心中的信用卡》、《課堂外的第一名》、《最後的一堂課》等。在本社出版有《不要NG  只要ING》以及《中學生了沒？──英文腦筋急轉彎》。

Part I 童言童語
On and off TV
Knitting sheep
Waiting for the film to come
Killing the Dead Sea
Thicker than water
Writing so slowly
Forgetting to shake
Swimming since four
Having to come down anyway
Too heavy to fly
Stopping the merry-go-round
Free lighting
Losing the glasses
Not able to add
Not imagining
Deep or shallow
Going blind in begging
A dirty joke
Telling the future with cards
No horse to sing
Jumping to be killed
Never getting on with anybody
The face in the same place
The dentist and the tooth
The letter not saying anything
Saying the password first
First day of school
Beauty and Lucky
Something in my mouth
Falling off a ladder
A tail without a body
Too small to jump higher
The dog not able to read
Seeing through walls
The dog scratching
Drawing the heaven
A marshmallow and a pillow
Speaking German
The freezing candle and words
Having no teeth
The same birthday every year
To scare the ghosts away
How to get to the other side
Answering the iron
A plain clothes police dog
Forgetting his name
The principal’s daughter
Stripe and Spot
A ten-to-zero game
Smart gum
Pushing the bell with your elbow

Part II 爸媽冏很大
My dirty shoes
Too dark to see the light
The wrong feet
The tough answers
Having teeth in the pocket
Never wearing alligator shoes
Wearing glasses when sleeping
Giving your fish fresh water
The broken watch
To know how I look when sleeping
A new penny and an old nickel
Happened before I was born
A father's gray hair
Green cheeks
A whole plate of money
Wrong number
The report card
A selfish boy
Not able to read
Writing more clearly
Signing with eyes closed
Triplets and twins
Worries being over
Spring, Summer, Fall and John
God using the bathroom
Looking like a monkey
Five thousand for a movie
The most beautiful mother
Watering the flowers in the rain
Doing arithmetic with apples
Punishing your son
To marry Grandma
Promising to be good
The teacher not making up his mind
Using your brains to raise money
Taking a bath in a saucer

Part III 麻辣師生
Hitting Mary with a basketball
Never walking in late
Apples from a peach tree
Essays from twin brothers
President’s death
A zero on the test
Things that contain milk
The sad system
London Bridge falling down
Perching on the hyphen
Playing basketball and testing
Taiwan on page ten
The easy and the hard ones
Big hands or small apples
Lincoln’s third birthday
Dancing on tiptoes
Mad for something I didn't do
Ten times, ten answers
The game called off
Rain or shine
Ohio or Mississippi
Doing as the sign says
Doing something wrong and lying

Part IV 驚世夫妻
Close relatives of a devil
Cooking or not cooking
Shutting all the doors
The world’s worst cook
A pig in the bedroom
My wife and an angel
His neck blowing gum
Married on the same day
A cough and a new dress
My ex-wife and my boss
The head through a button-hole

Part V 顧客愛說笑
To punish the bee
A refill first
A fly and a spider
Too young to die
A chicken pizza and a hot dog
The fly liking winter sports
Almost everything on the menu
Any soup on the menu
The dog and the ticket
Weak milk
Changing the tablecloth
Not your train
A monster and the soup
Eight or twelve pieces
Life-size enlargements
The two-dollar model car
No your own food
More terrible food
A ham sandwich without ham
Shaving my hair
To check the scales
Another helping for free

Part VI 醫生與病人
Not overweight, but too short
Not to stand inside the mouth
Quickest cure for double vision
Kissing the bride
The Math book and headache
Standing on your head
First operation
Connecting spots before one’s eyes
Half dead
Driving other patients away
Madness cured
Avoiding dampness
A frog and a tadpole
My wife and canaries
The light in the refrigerator
Not allowed on the couch
A problem with eyesight
Robins and worms
A psychiatrist telling his troubles
Your hereditary illness
Making an appointment
Waiting to lay an egg
Seven days to live
Not having to repeat it
Good news and bad news
Loosening a tooth
Shaking the car
Needing more iron.

Part VII 五花八門
Robbing banks
The ball and the net
An antique collector
A taxi or a dog
Slow poison
In jail for being romantic
Honking at a post
When to pay the rent
Climbing up the beam
A short circuit
A kangaroo and her baby
A snail and a turtle
Singing a lullaby
Breaking a leg
A snake biting its tongue
Sitting in each other’s shadow
Milking a tractor
Growing spaghetti
Shopping at three in the morning
The worst memory
Because of the weather
A cow and a horse
A talkative dog
In jail for feeding pigeons
25 years and 100 months
A sheep learning a foreign language
A baby coming from a hat
An explorer and a lion
Looking at the sky
Texans and Alaskans
Throwing and catching watches 
A centipede putting on shoes