Logan Judge

Introducing Dr Cornelius Ramus. The heartwarming tale of an egotistical git, delivered with all the grace of an intoxicated chimpanzee regurgitating half-chewed chunks of banana.

Born into considerable wealth, and armed with a doctorate almost certainly not obtained via legitimate channels, Dr Cornelius Ramus has fashioned himself a rather lucrative side-line as a private detective who—through a great deal of luck, conniving, and occasional flashes of genuine brilliance—has managed to secure a respectable degree of celebrity status which he habitually exploits to fuel his self-indulgent pastimes, which consist mostly of serial womanizing, drinking, and any other activity that caresses his already over-inflated ego.

Unfortunately, however, his assignments have become a little low-key just lately; book sales are down and invitations to make TV appearances have been slowly diminishing until, thankfully, good fortune conveniently materializes in the form of a note—pinned to a baguette found inserted into the corpse of a celebrity chef—announcing the arrival of a poorly monikered serial killer who is apparently intent on slaughtering yet more celebrities in a city where the shameful crime novel cliché of a local police department are simply too inept to successfully hunt down the perpetrator without the benefit of his ‘expert’ assistance.

Please be aware that this book contains adult themes and a lot of dark humor that is very stupid and extremely gross (“Juvenile and disgusting” according to one disgruntled reader.) Please also be aware that the main character is a sexist pig who you are not supposed to like. If that sort of thing doesn’t appeal to you, please don’t read it.